I am now around 8 months into my journey as a newly qualified nurse, and I still have moments when I can't quite believe that I am, in fact, a qualified nurse. I feel so privileged to work as a nurse and to have the responsibilities I do, but I still have many moments of self-doubt. Imposter syndrome still rears its head from time to time and I struggle with a sense of belonging in the job. I'm not sure if that is a normal feeling for new graduates but, from conversations I've had with colleagues and other nurses I trained alongside, it seems it could be. I do feel that these concerns are dissipating as I form better connections with my team and build a better support system in work.
Recently, I have been dealing with a new anxiety that reminds me of my final year of nursing training. This is when I encounter a relatively common task in my workplace that I still don't know how to complete or have very little confidence in completing, and I suddenly feel very embarrassed, thinking that I should know how to do this by now. I recall having a similar feeling during my final-year placement in university, as there comes a point where you can't flash the ‘I'm new’ card quite so readily, and instead I have to face the slightly disappointing reality that I probably could have been a bit more proactive in my learning.
This happened the other day when I went to run through a set of arterial lines and realised that I had somehow not done this on my own yet without someone watching me. I fumbled through the process, thinking that I had to pump up the pressure bag before running through the lines and ended up spraying myself with a jet of saline and jumping out of my skin in the process. I was wearing a trusty plastic apron so thought I could quietly discard the evidence. Little did I know that another nurse had been watching my failed attempt unravel. She came to my rescue and was very kind and understanding, which helped my slightly bruised ego. Sometimes I do encounter nurses who have been in the profession for several years still having their own struggles, which is a bit of a relief really as it reminds me that we are all still learning in different ways.
I have had a few new nursing experiences lately. I was recently entrusted with mentoring a student nurse for the day, which was a really good experience. It was strange to be on the other side of things and instead be the one who is teaching. I felt that I could empathise with the student nurse because I had had such a recent experience of being one, and remembered how overwhelming finding my feet at a new placement could be at times. I found it challenging to have to start thinking beyond my own actions, for example during medication administration, and to monitor the safety of someone else's practice, while at the same time not being too overbearing. Despite these challenges, the shift confirmed that I love to teach people and I look forward to teaching more students and newly qualified nurses in the future.
Last week, I had the opportunity to perform the role of airway nurse during an intubation for the first time. This involved preparing all the equipment required for Plans A, B and C, and handing each item to the anaesthesiologist in the correct way when it was requested. I also ‘bagged’ the patient using the bag-valve mask for the first time, which was an interesting experience because I felt such pressure at being responsible for my sedated patient's breathing, despite the controlled environment. It was a difficult intubation due to the patient's anatomy and we achieved this by moving on to Plan B and intubating with a smaller size endotracheal tube. The nurse who was observing spoke highly of me to the senior charge nurse, mentioning that I remained calm and collected throughout the procedure, which gave me a great boost.
This feels like a particularly exciting time in my new graduate journey as I find myself being allocated patients with more complex nursing needs. I am also starting to feel confident that I will do a good job looking after such patients. I know I still have a lot of room for development, but I am pleased with the foundations that I have built so far.